Archive for January, 2014

Inspiration: leaves

Inspiration: Leaves…
by Lina Way

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“Common sense is seeing things as they are; and doing things as they ought to be.” ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Voltaire said that “common sense is not so common.” Most people would probably tend to agree, as foolishness is certainly rampant. Although it should be core curriculum, they just don’t teach common sense in school. You can only get so far in life by memorizing a bunch of facts. To be truly successful, you’ve got to have good sense.

So where does one get good sense? Is it something that a lucky few are born with? Luckily, no. Good sense is one hundred percent learned behavior, equally accessible to anyone who wants it. All you have to do is observe what works and what doesn’t work for others.

Here is twelve common traits among people with good sense:

1. They keep their promises.

People with good sense aren’t flakes. They do what they say and by maintaining their integrity, they build trusting relationships. People with good sense are people you can count on.

2. They set boundaries and know when to say no.

Boundaries create balanced lives and people with good sense understand this. They know what they can handle and which behaviors are unacceptable in other people and are able to confidently and clearly state their limits.

3. They control their own money.

I’ve seen many a life-ruining disaster caused when individuals give up control of their finances to someone else. People with good sense make their own decisions about spending and investing. They know how much money they have and where it’s going at all times.

4. They don’t have children they can’t take care of with unfit partners.

This may well be the most important lesson. Take it to heart. Having a child that one is not psychologically, financially or physically prepared for is probably the worst mistake anyone can make. Having a child with a partner who is equally unprepared to parent or who isn’t interested in parenting will not end well for anyone involved, especially the child. Good sense means planning and preparing for parenthood.

5. They don’t poison their bodies.

Common sense would tell you that smoking, eating junk food, getting high or binge drinking are stupid things to do, yet so many people ignore this logic and over-indulge. People with good sense seek healthier alternatives and honor their bodies.

6. They know that it’s ok to changes one’s mind.

Politicians have tricked us into thinking that being a “flip-flopper” is a bad thing. Wrong. Stubbornness and close-mindedness aren’t virtues. People with good sense are able to objectively assess situations and see different viewpoints, giving themselves the freedom to change their opinions when they have more information. That’s called learning and having humility.

7. They can delay gratification.

The most successful among us, by any definition of the word, are those who can make sacrifices in the present in order to obtain future rewards. Also known as will-power.

8. They don’t buy things with money they don’t have.

Follow this wisdom and you’ll save yourself a world of trouble and stay out of debt. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. Period.

9. They have goals and plan for the future, yet remain flexible too. People with good sense look forward to their futures. They have a plan but they understand that being rigid isn’t useful. Unexpected opportunities can always arise as can sudden setbacks and it’s important to accept change and go with the flow as one works towards his or her goal.

10. They don’t build relationships to “network” or because a friendship benefits them in some way.

They make friends because they appreciate genuine, meaningful human interaction. There are no real rewards to kissing butt, but the benefits of true friendships are endless.

11. They spot red flags and move on without making excuses for people.

Another biggie right here, people. Making excuses for other peoples’ bad, toxic, stupid or otherwise unacceptable behavior isn’t the same thing as being kind, tolerant, forgiving or nonjudgmental. It’s just dumb and it will get you into a world of trouble. When people show their true colors, forgive them in your heart, but run as fast as you can away from them. People with good sense don’t waste time on dysfunction. They surround themselves instead with nurturing relationships.

12. They are committed and focused.

Most successes can be attributed to showing up and sticking around. People with good sense are in it for the long haul and they aren’t fickle. They don’t give up at the first signs of discomfort and they know that sometimes, to solve a problem, gain a new skill or master a discipline that you just need more time. They complete projects instead of abandoning them and they don’t continually stop what they’re working on to start something new. They’re loyal to their passions.

( source article is from http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/01/the-top-12-habits-of-people-with-good-sense/)

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I feel paralyzed…. I cannot feel my hands…my body… It is pulling me! I try to hold on, trying to grab any branch of logic and pull myself out. It is swirling and pulling me… Telling me let go and not fight it…. Just let go and feel… Limbo…But I am scared, no, I am more than scared I am terrified!  This is nothing like falling down the hole as Alice in wonderland, it is dark, magnetic, paralyzing abyss… I cannot breathe, it makes my body feel so light, like feather and I feel my fall, I feel with every cell of my body I feel this vacuum swirling hole puling me…. I put an incredible effort, it is painful, it takes almost unreal force and energy… To open my eyes and pull myself out of this dream…

I am scared beyond any logic, I am shaking… I am not cold…. I am terrified! I hold my knees, I try to become a ball and feel my body again! My eyes wide open and I remember this dream. I haven’t  had it in years, but I know I had it before. The first time I remember this dream when I was 3. I woke up screaming and could not explain to my parents what scared me. I remember I could not breathe then and was paralyzed with fear, that my mother took me to the bathroom and shoved me under cold water until I could feel and started shivering and crying. Since that time I had this dream couple of times and I have been able to pull back and not tell anyone that it haunts me.

But then for over 15 years now I did not see it again… I thought it was gone forever. Actually I stopped having dreams at all, or if I had a dream of any kind, I knew that in couple years it will happen and I call it a déjàvu. But not with this abyss. It is overpowering and takes you all… It is a big, dark, circling swirl and it sucks you in fast and with incredible force….

Maybe I should stop fighting it. Why am I so scared of it? Maybe I should let it consume me all and dive into it?.. It is illogical and does not make any sense, but does life makes sense sometimes? Does our beating hearts make sense? Does our incredible brain makes logical sense? Does us as human beings, that created so incredibly smart… Can logic explain it? No… But we exist and no scientist could create anything remotely close to what we are… We don’t make sense but we exist. Maybe I need to take a leap of faith and just let it take me. Why I fear it so much? Why I fear being taken and belong to something… Someone…. Why I have to hold on to my logic and not just listen to my heart and stop trying to  understand everything… It is not possible anyway… Something our brain cannot explain and knowing bible as well as I do I understand why, but it does not make it easier to just believe.

Why i cannot trust… why i cannot just believe and have faith in life?

Recently in my life i had too many dejavu and too many coincidences that puzzles me and makes me feel like this abyss becomes rather a reality not just a dream. For the past weeks my mind slowly being consumed by it… About 3 weeks ago i walked in my home, and my mother looked at me and said that i look like i have been “taken”… i asked what she meant, and she could not accurately describe it, she just said it is in my eyes… i giggled and said it was nonsense…. but is it? now i think about it all morning, for hours now… and every word, every action, every dejavu falls into a puzzle – picture… but do i want to see what will come out? do i want to feel it? i am afraid, i am afraid to see, to try to feel it, i want to… but it is like going inside abyss for me… terrifying! I am afraid i will give all and it will consume me completely… and will i be strong enough to pull out in time?…

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“He who contemplates the depths of Paris is seized with vertigo.

Nothing is more fantastic. Nothing is more tragic.

Nothing is more sublime.”

― Victor Hugo

“A walk about Paris will provide lessons in history, beauty, and in the point of Life.”

― Thomas Jefferson

Paris… i spend 2 weeks there… living in the apartment, taking a metro, having coffee in brasserie,  walking around history and thinking… The city, definitely makes you think about yourself and “the point of life” as Thomas Jefferson said.

The feeling that The City gives you, i believe she is not actually giving us a particular feeling, it more of a wayfinding in touch with yourself… Everything you have inside all of a sudden comes out and makes you feel this rush of emotions, feelings, understanding and confusing at the same time. Paris brings it all out in an open space to your mind where you not always ready to deal with what is coming your way…

I think Paris is one of those places that can amplify whatever you are feeling – so if you go in love with the idea of visiting the city of your dreams, that will be reflected in your experience. If you go as a couple in love… all the rush of feeling “in love” will be magnified.  And if you are melancholy from being alone, you might end up crying over your fate. Sometimes we get caught up in illusion of romantic City, where magic happens.  But i think it is better to visit Paris alone the first time. Just be yourself and feel her. What i think is, that Paris in a way a soulmate to all and each one of us… Paris is not a perfect fit like in a mediocre understanding of a word “soulmate” is, she is like a mirror, something that shows you everything that is holding you back… She brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. I think everyone in their lifetime should visit Paris, because this city, when you let her in your life… somehow becomes part of you, and she reveals layer of yourself to you that you never expected to see or even know it existed.

How many minds opened, how many hearts brought to maturity, how many powerful natures fulfilled!…No matter where we look, Paris turns out to have been the decisive element. Without Paris, Jefferson would not be Jefferson, Franklin would not be Franklin, Chopin would not be Chopin…Freud would not be Freud…Picasso would not be Picasso. That list could be remade a hundred times over, and in almost every domain of human activity. The role of Paris in all this is active, not passive. The people I have named did not ‘have a good time’ in Paris. Paris drove them to give of their best and defied them to fall short of it… Paris broke them down, teared them apart and broke their hearts open so new light could get in… That is the true romance.

I do not think that after visiting Paris i became a new person, or that i had the most amazing time there… no. But i must say, i cannot stop thinking about her, about the streets and uneasy feeling i felt during my visit. The reasons could be different, the mind set i was in when i came to Paris, uneasy life situations… anything can be discussed for hours… but to me i am glad i had this wonderful experience and i hope that my next trip to Paris will be not to try figure myself out, but to enjoy sunset walks, public kisses, and romantic side of Paris. I believe that for now Paris did what had to be done to me at this period of my life… to tear down my walls and bring out all the feelings that were deep inside, to decide as to what i want in life and why, to see my heart from inside out and to understand my mind, to make my heart and mind work as one… It is raw now, and painful, and broken… so i hope now i can let the light in, finally… to feel in heart what it never felt before…