Posts Tagged ‘отношения’

 

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– Would you be jealous if I thought of any woman from my past , being next to you ? Would you worry that I can get away from you to her ?

 – No .

– I guess you do not love me .

– You do not know what you say. Love has nothing to do with jealousy and fear of losing . I love you, but if you want to leave because you can not forget the other woman – it will be good . This will be true. Because if you had stayed , it would mean that you’re lying. If you go, it’s just going to mean that we are not right for each other , and it’s good that you’re gone . Because if you stay – you would have held the position of who is right for me . Anyone who comes to me – do not go away. There is no need to worry about. All is well .

– You’re so weird … like if you do not know how to feel and be affectionate… 

 – Love has nothing to do with attachment . Attachment and jealousy, it means i would not love myself. Fear that someone will  not fall in love with real you . You must not compare myself to anyone . You – it ‘s you. You have your own life . It is given to you. It’s a gift . Do not waste it by comparing yourself with others. This is misleading . You have to look only at yourself . Then you will not go wrong …

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— Ты стала бы ревновать, если бы я думал о какой-нибудь женщине из моего прошлого, находясь рядом с тобой? Стала бы беспокоиться о том, что я могу уйти от тебя к ней?
— Нет.
— Наверное, ты не любишь меня.
— Ты не понимаешь, о чём говоришь. Любовь не имеет ничего общего с ревностью и страхом потерять. Я люблю тебя, но если ты захочешь уйти потому, что не можешь забыть другую женщину – это будет хорошо. Это и будет правда. Потому что если бы ты остался, это означало бы то, что ты врешь. Если ты уйдешь, это просто будет значить, что мы не подходим друг другу, и это хорошо, что ты ушел. Потому что если бы ты остался – ты бы занимал место того, кто подходит мне. Тот, кто подходит мне – не уйдет. Не надо ни о чем беспокоиться. Все хорошо.
— Ты так странно любишь… Ты будто совсем не умеешь привязываться…
— Любовь не имеет ничего общего с привязанностью. Привязываться и ревновать, значит – не любить себя. Считать себя хуже кого-то, бояться, что такого как есть – тебя – не полюбят. Ты не можешь ни с кем себя сравнивать. Ты – это ты. У тебя есть cвоя жизнь. Она дана тебе. Это дар. Не трать её на сравнение с другими. Это заблуждение. Ты должен смотреть только на себя. Тогда ты не ошибешься…

 

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At the corner of a field there were Love and Separation standing, watching a young couple. Separation excitedly rubbed her hands: “Do you want to bet I can separate them?!” Love asked her: “Let me come to them one time, and then you can do with them whatever you want – and we will see, if you could separate them”. Separation agreed.

Love came to a young couple, touched them, looked in their eyes and saw, a spark that ran between them… Love then said: “ Now it’s your turn”. Separation answered: “No, now I cannot do anything – now their hearts are full of love. I will visit them later”

Time passed. Separation came in thir house and saw a young mother with child and a father. Separation was hoping that love passed, but, when she looked in their eyes she saw Appreciation. Separation shrugged: “So what, I will come later”…

Years later, Separation came to them again – kids were loud, tiered husband came from work, mother was trying to calm kids down. Now for sure she was going to separate them – because with all this time Love and Appreciation should be long gone from their hearts. But, when she looked in their eyes, she saw Respect and Understanding. “I will come back later” , – muttered Separation.

And then she came back later, kids were all grown up, parents with gray hair were helping their kids with advices. She looked in their eyes and sigh disappointed: she saw Trust. “They will not disappear, I will come later”,  – yelled Separation and slamed the door.

Time passed, Separation peeps in the house, she sees grandchildren, and an old sad Lady near the fireplace. Separation got excited: “Finally, my time came”.She tried to look in older Lady’s eyes, but Lady got up and walked out of the house. Separation followed her. She saw that older Lady came to the cemetery and sit down near a tomb. It was her husband’s tomb.

“ I was too late, – sadly said Separation, – time did my job”. And she looked in older Lady’s eyes. In them she saw tears of Memory – Memory of Love, Appreciation, Respect, Understanding and Trust…

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У края поля стояли Любовь и Разлука и любовались молодой парой. Разлука азартно потерла руки: “Спорим, я их разлучу?!” Любовь попросила: “Дай мне подойти к ним один раз, а потом ты можешь делать, что хочешь – и посмотрим, сможешь ли ты их разлучить”. Разлука согласилась.

Любовь подошла к молодой паре, прикоснулась к ним, заглянула в глаза и увидела, как между ними пробежала искра… Любовь отошла и говорит: “Теперь твой черед”. Разлука ответила: “Нет, сейчас я ничего не могу сделать – сейчас их сердца наполнены любовью. Я загляну к ним попозже”.

Прошло время. Разлука вошла в дом и увидела молодую мать с младенцем, отца. Разлука надеялась, что любовь уже прошла, но, заглянув в их глаза, она увидела Благодарность. Разлука пожала плечами: “Что ж, приду позже”…

Спустя годы, Разлука вновь явилась к ним – в доме шумели дети, с работы пришел уставший муж, мать успокаивала детей. Теперь-то она точно должна была их разлучить – ведь за это время и Любовь и Благодарность должны были выветриться из их сердец. Но, заглянув в их глаза, она увидела Уважение и Понимание. “Загляну позже”, – проворчала Разлука.

И снова она пришла. Смотрит – дети уже взрослые, седые родители помогают детям советами. Взглянула она в их глаза и разочарованно вздохнула: в них было Доверие. “Никуда не денутся, приду позже”, – гаркнула Разлука и хлопнула дверью.

Прошло время, заглядывает Разлука в дом, а там бегают внуки, у камина сидит, пригорюнившись, бабушка. Разлука обрадовалась: “Ну вот, мое время пришло”. Хотела она было посмотреть старушке в глаза, но та встала и вышла из дома. Разлука пошла за ней. Вскоре старушка пришла на кладбище и села у могилы. Это была могила её мужа.

“Я опоздала, – опечалилась Разлука, – время сделало мою работу”. И заглянула в глаза старушки. В них она увидела слезы и Память – Память о Любви, Благодарности, Уважении, Понимании и Доверии…

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I chose freedom?

Not many people will argue that freedom is better than restraint. But in reality many people are ready to sacrifice freedom for tranquility, comfort, tradition.

Do we really want to have freedom and be free people?

Lately we talk about freedom quite often. I really never thought about what freedom really is, what does it mean. Are we born free of we acquire freedom with experience?

And what is the difference between freedom that single people talk about and freedom that politicians promise?

“All people are born free” – repeated quite often by people who desire best for humankind. But there are always been those that felt that our relationship with freedom is not as simple. There are freedom that poets talked about, and kids in schools used to write essays about. Psychology has a different view on freedom, for them our freedom that we were born with is not obvious. Just because psychology associates freedom with our actions, but not with our beings. And until there is actions, there is no reason talking about freedom. But when I think about a newborn, does he have freedom in his actions? He is born in loving home, he can sleep whenever he wants, he eats when he wants to eat, he plays if he choses to… Does that mean he is free because he does what he wants? No, because all this actions – expression of spontaneity, immediate impulses, explains psychologist Dmitry Leontiev. “Freedom relate with spontaneity as a higher psychological function with lower. Lower psychological functions act  more on their own, more mechanically.  Higher functions – our actions that we do consciously, from our own experience and notions as to how are we suppose to act.” And although manifestations of higher and lower functions may be simlar, the reasons for them are often completely different.So what actions coupld be counted as the real manifestations of freedom? Those that we commit with clear awareness of the consequences and willingness to answer for our actions. Acting free does not mean act good, freedom can not be evaluated. With freedom – by your own will, with full awareness of the consequences, – we may act very badly.

There is another side to freedom, freedom tied up in conjunction with responsibility. Freedom and responsibility is the same thing, it is two sides of one coin, each of which does not exist by itself. Freedom and responsibility have different roots. Beginning of freedom is that childish freedom. Responsibility is raised in us by restrictions: restrictions set by parents, religious beliefs, and even our own self control. These parallels cross each other later in life, or sometimes do not cross at all. But the point of cross suppose to be around teenage years. I recently read one of experimental study on correlation of freedom and responsibility in teenagers, study was done in 1980s and psychologists found 4 types of behavior that worth mentioning: autonomous, impulsive, symbiotic and conformal. Autonomous behavior – is a perfect balance of freedom and responsibility; that is the behavior of a truly free person. In impulsive teens (usually it is boys) the spontaneity of conduct clearly prevails over the responsibility for their actions. “Symbiotic” teenagers are ready to adapt to any requirements:they demonstrate high level of responsibility and distinct lack of freedom. And finally conformal teens they prefer to “swim with the tide” – they lack both freedom and responsibility.

MANIFEST OF FREE PERSON

Working on this “Manifest of free person” I was trying to understand from different points of view, what is freedom? The answer seems so simple, “intuitive easy to understand”… but so elusive.  For me important not the concept, but the way of existence as a free human being. What is he/she feeling, what are his/her actions, what is the most important for him/her, what does he/she believe in?.. So after deliberate research I came up with 10 main point that i think are applicable to the description of “free human”

  1. Freedom for me – not the purpose, but a way of life
  2. Everything that I think about is consistent with what I say or do. I avoid lies and hypocrisy.
  3. I support the manifestation of freedom in others and respect other people’s opinion
  4. I take responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions. I do not wait for someone else make a decision for me, and I am not complaining about circumstances
  5. I remember, that I can make mistakes, like any other person. I can see my mistakes and recognize them
  6. My opinion may change. If I think today differently, that I thought yesterday, I will not hold on to my ideas for the sake of illusion
  7. I understand, that I might not know everything. I strive to differentiate my knowledge from my speculation, guesswork and desires
  8. I do not trust somebody elses opinion just because I respect that person. I strive to receive information from many sources, to analyse it myself and to check with the experience
  9. Fear – is the main obstacle on the way to freedom. I get rid of fear – fear of life, fear of others and myself, fear of being judged. My first step towards conquering my fear – is to notice and honestly admit, if I afraid of something.
  10. I understand and accept all my feelings and desires. I am not ashamed and I do not blame myself for them. When I express my feelings, will I pursue them and how I chose to do it, depends only on me.