Posts Tagged ‘article’

blog-logos1

Over this past Labor Day weekend, I found myself reading excerpts from distinguished professor of psychology and management Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s (pronounced me-HIGH chick-sent-me-HIGH-ee) seminal book Creativity: The Work and Lives of 91 Eminent People (HarperCollins, 1996).

He writes:

“I have devoted 30 years of research to how creative people live and work, to make more understandable the mysterious process by which they come up with new ideas and new things. If I had to express in one word what makes their personalities different from others, it’s complexity. They show tendencies of thought and action that in most people are segregated. They contain contradictory extremes; instead of being an individual, each of them is a multitude.”

Mihaly describes ten traits often contradictory in nature, that are frequently present in creative people. In Creativity, Mihaly outlines these:

1. Creative people have a great deal of physical energy, but they’re also often quiet and at rest.

They work long hours, with great concentration, while projecting an aura of freshness and enthusiasm.

2. Creative people tend to be smart yet naive at the same time.

“It involves fluency, or the ability to generate a great quantity of ideas; flexibility, or the ability to switch from one perspective to another; and originality in picking unusual associations of ideas. These are the dimensions of thinking that most creativity tests measure and that most workshops try to enhance.”

3. Creative people combine playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.

But this playfulness doesn’t go very far without its antithesis, a quality of doggedness, endurance, and perseverance.

“Despite the carefree air that many creative people affect, most of them work late into the night and persist when less driven individuals would not. Vasari wrote in 1550 that when Renaissance painter Paolo Uccello was working out the laws of visual perspective, he would walk back and forth all night, muttering to himself: “What a beautiful thing is this perspective!” while his wife called him back to bed with no success.”

4.Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy, and a rooted sense of reality.

Great art and great science involve a leap of imagination into a world that is different from the present.

5. Creative people tend to be both extroverted and introverted.

We’re usually one or the other, either preferring to be in the thick of crowds or sitting on the sidelines and observing the passing show. Creative individuals, on the other hand, seem to exhibit both traits simultaneously.

6. Creative people are humble and proud at the same time.

It is remarkable to meet a famous person who you expect to be arrogant or supercilious, only to encounter self-deprecation and shyness instead.

7. Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping.

When tests of masculinity and femininity are given to young people, over and over one finds that creative and talented girls are more dominant and tough than other girls, and creative boys are more sensitive and less aggressive than their male peers.

8. Creative people are both rebellious and conservative.

It is impossible to be creative without having first internalized an area of culture. So it’s difficult to see how a person can be creative without being both traditional and conservative and at the same time rebellious and iconoclastic.

9.Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.

Without the passion, we soon lose interest in a difficult task. Yet without being objective about it, our work is not very good and lacks credibility. Here is how the historian Natalie Davis puts it:

“I think it is very important to find a way to be detached from what you write, so that you can’t be so identified with your work that you can’t accept criticism and response, and that is the danger of having as much affect as I do. But I am aware of that and of when I think it is particularly important to detach oneself from the work, and that is something where age really does help.”

10. Creative people’s openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to a great deal of enjoyment.

“Perhaps the most important quality, the one that is most consistently present in all creative individuals, is the ability to enjoy the process of creation for its own sake. Without this trait, poets would give up striving for perfection and would write commercial jingles, economists would work for banks where they would earn at least twice as much as they do at universities, and physicists would stop doing basic research and join industrial laboratories where the conditions are better and the expectations more predictable.”

Paradoxical or not, what I have learned most is that there is no formula for individual creation. As Mihay says, “creative individuals are remarkable for their ability to adapt to almost any situation and to make do with whatever is at hand to reach their goals.” So, more than anything else, what it takes to be creative is resourcefulness and the courage not to give up.

"Shells"

“Shells” by Lina Way

“Masquerades disclose the reality of souls. As long as no one sees who we are, we can tell the most intimate details of our life. I sometimes muse over this sketch of a story about a man afflicted by one of those personal tragedies born of extreme shyness who one day, while wearing a mask I don’t know where, told another mask all the most personal, most secret, most unthinkable things that could be told about his tragic and serene life. And since no outward detail would give him away, he having disguised even his voice, and since he didn’t take careful note of whoever had listened to him, he could enjoy the ample sensation of knowing that somewhere in the world there was someone who knew him as not even his closest and finest friend did. When he walked down the street he would ask himself if this person, or that one, or that person over there might not be the one to whom he’d once, wearing a mask, told his most private life. Thus would be born in him a new interest in each person, since each person might be his only, unknown confidant.”
― Fernando Pessoa

interestingly so, it is sometimes said that the four greatest Portuguese poets of modern times are Fernando Pessoa. The statement is possible since Pessoa, whose name means ‘person’ in Portuguese, had three alter egos who wrote in styles completely different from his own. In fact Pessoa wrote under dozens of names, but Alberto Caeiro,Ricardo Reis and Álvaro de Campos were – their creator claimed – full-fledged individuals who wrote things that he himself would never or could never write. He dubbed them ‘heteronyms’ rather than pseudonyms, since they were not false names but “other names”, belonging to distinct literary personalities. Not only were their styles different; they thought differently, they had different religious and political views, different aesthetic sensibilities, different social temperaments. And each produced a large body of poetry. Álvaro de Campos and Ricardo Reis also signed dozens of pages of prose. Who is better that Fernando Pessoa can understand the concept of “wearing a mask”…

We are all to a certain degree, if we are willing to admit to it or not, are wearing masks, hiding in our “shells”, afraid to show our true selves. Is it the society pressuring us to oblige and fit in, our our own minds what to be accepted?.. Yes, many try to “stand up” to majority of the society by being accepted in minority part of the society, which is still trying to be accepted in this or that “popular” club…

Why can’t we be just ourselves? isn’t that the ultimate freedom to be YOU, not to try pleasing coworkers, friends, family, loved ones (especially loved ones, they love to abuse their right they have in our hearts 🙂 ) why can’t we say that this we love, and this we hate and be perceived by our circle as just truthful person, not a “crazy nut”?!.. Why can’t we all as human society accept that each and every person has its own free will and just be ourselves, not hide behind “masks” and “shells”…?…

head-vs-heart

Dear Heart,

I have a vein to pick with you, as I’m feeling pretty insecure and unsafe about a few things.

As you know I cut you out of my life for years because your desires were too big for me to handle and I was not strong enough to support and manifest them.

However after a painful game of tug of war, your strength eventually outweighed mine.

I surrendered respectfully and we re-connected. I listened to your every wish and did what you asked, as much as it broke my ego from every direction. I became your servant and your organizer and everyone thought I was mad for the choices I made.

I left my relationship, my career, I moved, I travelled.

I shocked everyone! I felt love again, true passion. I found my creativity, I found myself.

Things have been great. Now you want change again? You’re teasing me with dreams of far away places as I close my eyes to rest. You whisper in my ear as I’m waking up. You want me to uproot and explore again.

Why? Don’t you think about the future? Do you even have a plan?

If you are all about love, then why do you make me do things that hurt?

Why do you draw me towards people and then ask me to let go? Don’t you realize this breaks their heart? And mine too? It breaks you!

Why do you inflict so much pain on yourself?

Heart, sometimes I wish you were content with clothes, cooking and children like the other women. Don’t you realize people think we’re lost, reckless, crazy?

Heart, you’re too wild for me. But I promised I’d always listen to you. Please just tell me everything is going to be okay.

Yours truly,

Head x

***

Darling Head,

I know it seemed like my desires were too much for you to handle, but they were never too big, you just allowed fear to make the final decision every time until we eventually disconnected.

You see Head, all I see from down here are opportunities to experience love and to grow. This requires change, movement. Either we’re moving deeper into something, or moving on from something.

I’m here to push you out of your comfort zone.

The pain is the cracking open as I become vulnerable, expand to my absolute limits of love, learn to accept love in, or let it achingly pour out.

Love is constantly connecting us to and moving us on from people and experiences. Some connections last a lifetime, others last only a moment. It’s painful to accept that some things don’t last forever.

There is beauty in this pain.

Let other people think we are lost. The truth is, their hearts may be just as wild, they just haven’t been brave enough to really listen. The laws of the heart are too divine for us to understand, they are beyond time and space, they exist only in the moment, they don’t need a plan, they are the plan.

If we continue to be fearless and move with the flow of love, I promise you—everything is going to be okay.

Love,

Heart x

(ref. Annalise McLean)

shamy

One of my most favorite shows is Big Bang Theory. Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper is truly amazing character. Development of his love-life with Amy  is fascinating to me, and i have been searching to get a copy of their 31 page Relationship Agreement for quite some time, but so far there is no actual copy of such agreement being published (which i think many people would like to read such publication if producers decide to publish it 🙂 ) the only way is to speculate and use quotes from the show to combine certain parts of agreement, like Section four: “Booboos and ouchies”, which states that Amy must help Sheldon when he has a small injury, like a splinter.
Section five: “Handholding”, which states that “Handholding is only allowed under the following circumstances: A, either party is in danger of falling off of a cliff, precipice or ledge. B, either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a nobel prize. C, moral support during flu shots.”

shamy2

http://youtu.be/2icrQX6Yjac

HOWEVER, that relationship agreement is really the result of Sheldon’s paranoia about personal touching, egomania and his difficulty to emotionally bond with others.
What is really needed is a relationship agreement for modern people  which outlines how a couple should treat each other and various expectations of how an ideal relationship should work.

So i found online on http://nerdovore.blogspot.com/ 31 Section Relationship Agreement for the Modern Couple, which written in a fun way 🙂 Key to any successful relationship is the COMMUNICATION, so why not a Relashionship Agreement that is basically discussing openly expectations of each other and exploring boundaries of the relationship.

Section One: Communication
Communication is highly encouraged, but each partner should always be aware that space and privacy is sometimes required in instances where one partner needs to work, is feeling creativity, needs to think and so forth. Partners should refrain from calling, texting or emailing constantly and should make an effort to give the other person space after the initial “honeymoon” part of the relationship is over.

Section Two: Hugging
Hugging shall occur whenever saying hello and goodbye, when one partner is feeling sad or depressed or in grief, or when a celebratory hug is expected.

Section Three: Kissing
Kissing should occur within the first two dates. After that it is a free-for-all, although sometimes kissing will be refrained during an illness or infection.

Section Four: Booboos and Ouchies
Each partner shall be responsible for helping the other when injured, sick or infected. Exceptions: Zombie infection means the other partner is responsible for decapitating the infected zombie. Other exceptions include alien metamorphosis, mutations which threaten the safety of mankind, becoming a vampire and demonic possession.

Section Five: Handholding
Handholding should occur whenever a couple is walking together outside, watching a scary or romantic movie, feeling romantic or cuddling. Handholding may also occur when one or both partners are feeling troubled or grieving.

Section Six: Sex
Sex should occur by the 3rd date, no later. Three dates = Sex. Afterwards sex should occur on an at least weekly basis, more often if a couple is a committed relationship and are living together. Variety and kink is up to the couple to discuss and decide.

Section Seven: Birth Control
There are three standard methods of birth control. Choose at least one. A. The Pill; B. Condoms; C. The male pulling out before he gets close. Contraceptive methods should be discussed and agreed upon before intercourse begins.

Section Eight: Having Children
Having children should be discussed and agreed upon by both partners before any deliberate efforts to have children is made. Once the decision to have children has been agreed upon ignore Section Seven.

Section Nine: Existing Children
If one or both of the partners already has a child or children both partners have the responsibility to: A. Treat the children with care and respect; B. Properly discipline their children for misbehaviour; C. Take steps to insure the child or children are happy with the relationship (this does not include bribery, but instead should include emotional bonding).

Section Ten: Moving In Together
If a couple has been together for 3 or more months and if both partners have been sleeping together routinely the subject of moving in together should be broached. If both partners agree they should proceed to either: A. Move into one of their existing homes; B. Find a new home and both move in to the new place.

Section Eleven: Household Chores
Dividing up household chores should be openly discussed and decided upon. Its best to make a list and a schedule. Once the agreement is made each partner is responsible for their own chores and also the manner in which they do it. The other partner should refrain from nagging or complaining about the quality or quantity of how well or how often the other partner achieves their chores. ie. Dishes do not have to be up to “Aunt Edna’s Spotless Standards” and partners should smile and bear it when eating food that is slightly burnt or “doesn’t taste spicy enough”.

Section Twelve: Cleanliness
Clean up after yourself. If you made the mess, you clean it up. Exceptions: If in the list of household chores one partner has agreed to make supper if the other partner agreed to wash the dishes, then ignore this section.

Section Thirteen: Personal Hygiene
Each partner is responsible for bathing at least once per day, washing their hands before and after meals, and brushing their teeth after meals, before sex and before bedtime. Exceptions: Quickies or when personal hygiene products are unavailable.

Section Fourteen: Cheating
Cheating will not be tolerated. Cheating = The End of the Relationship. Fini. Final. Done and over. If you cheated, confess and end the relationship. On rare occasions the couple may decide to stay together because they truly love each other and it is more complicated than mere infidelity, but otherwise cheating is an instant relationship breaker.

Section Fifteen: Lies
Little lies are okay. Such as lying about not giving the other partner a surprise birthday party. Big lies that ruin the relationship will not be tolerated. ie. “What do you mean you lied about not still loving your ex and that you’ve been hanging out with them lately?”

Section Sixteen: Relationship Shenanigans
Playing mental mind games, two-timing, giving the Silent Treatment and other shenanigans are all signs that you are immature and not ready for a committed relationship. Little kids give the Silent Treatment. If you can’t communicate openly and honestly then the relationship is over.

Section Seventeen: Discussing Marriage
Discussing marriage on a serious level should only occur AFTER the couple is living together or has been in a serious long term relationship for over 6 months. Mentioning marriage while discussing relationships or someone else’s wedding doesn’t count. A marriage discussion will consist of spontaneously bringing the topic up and directly the discuss the possibility of both partners getting “hooked up permanently”.

Section Eighteen: Relationship Hiccups
Arguments happen. Get over them. Don’t keep bringing old arguments up again and again. Once the initial argument is done, regardless of whether it ended with an agreement at least come to an understanding that the other person does NOT have to agree with you. Forgive. Forget. Move on.

Section Nineteen: Relationship Interference
If family members, friends, etc. are trying to interfere in your relationship ask yourself the following: Is your partner genuinely nice? Do they treat you well? Have they ever physically harmed you? Does your friend or family member concerned you are in an abusive relationship? If so, take their advice and leave. If however you are being treated well and have no suffered any physical violence then your relationship is fine and your friend / family member is just sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Section Twenty: Being Virtuous
Both partners agree to focus on being nice, humble, generous to each other (within reason), to not steal or lie from the other, to not abuse the relationship in any way, shape or form, to practice self-control, be diligent and steadfast to their partner, be loyal and patient, and to pursue honesty and respect for each other.

Section Twenty-One: Lust
The only lust in a loving relationship should be for each other.

Section Twenty-Two: Insults
Both partners agree to not insult each other deliberately. If they do they should apoligize for their insults. Unintentional insults should be easy to forgive. Intentional insults should be discussed and forgiven within a reasonable time frame (holding it over the other person is Relationship Shenanigans).

Section Twenty-Three: Domestic Abuse
If one partner physically abuses the other (or a child) the relationship is over. Done. Leave as soon as possible and call the police. Even if you don’t press charges, at least get it recorded in case it ever happens again to you or someone else.

Section Twenty-Four: Showing you Care
When one partner does something nice or special for you then you should show appreciation. Hugs, kisses, thank you cards, quickies, doing something nice for them in return are all acceptable means of showing you care.

Section Twenty-Five: Addictions
If one partner has an addiction (to anything) which is threatening the health of the relationship then the other partner is obligated to express concern, discuss the problem and if necessary do an intervention by getting friends and family involved. Patience and diligence is required and the addicted partner needs to make a serious effort to combat their addiction. If the addiction reaches a point wherein the relationship is falling apart both partners should consider ending it immediately.

Section Twenty-Six: Long Distance Travel
If one of the partners is going to be traveling or living farther away for long periods of time a deliberate effort needs to made by both partners to keep the flow of communication going. Daily emails, regular phone calls, Skype and other ways are communicating are all available. Failure to do so can lead to mistrust, miscommunication and sour the relationship.

Section Twenty-Seven: Humour
Both partners agree to have a sense of humour and not go overboard with sarcasm. It is one thing to be sarcastic and another to be outright insulting, bitter and even bully the other person by going too far. Even the most patient people with a sense of humour cannot be expected to endure constant insults and put-downs.

Section Twenty-Eight: Marriage
Marriage should be no different than the relationship with one exception: You can’t just call it quits on short notice. Even if you encounter difficulties you are expected to try and work through them. Exceptions to this are: Domestic violence, abuse, addictions, cheating and huge lies.

Section Twenty-Nine: Break Ups / Divorce
Whenever possible try to break up in person. Breaking up via the phone, email or even text message seems cowardly but sometimes it is the only way if the breaker feels extremely umcomfortable meeting and breaking up in person. In the case of divorce you MUST do this in person (possible with a lawyer or police present in the event you are worried about domestic violence).

Section Thirty: After the Break Up
Try to be civil to each other. Being bitter isn’t going to make you happy. Forgive and forget. It may take you awhile to stop feeling bitter, but try to remember that the feeling will go away given time and the sooner it goes away the sooner you won’t remember their middle name.

Section Thirty-One: Getting Back Together
Hey, it can happen, but don’t count your chickens until they hatch. Ask them how they are doing. If they respond positively and ask about seeing you again / mention thinking about you lately that is your cue to ask them out. If they don’t mention anything like that then they’re just not interested.