Posts Tagged ‘france’

love hug relationship

love hug relationship

In the depths of our souls we all yearn for love and connection with others.

That yearning reflects a basic, even biological, human need. Infants thrive physically only when they feel deeply loved and cherished. As adults, we experience wrenching, soul-level loneliness when we don’t have love and meaningful connection in our lives, yet all too frequently we don’t have these things.

Not with our parents or siblings, not with a mate, not even with a best friend.

We all intuitively know that the highest experience in life is the sharing of love. However, we often confuse the idea of sharing love with the idea of getting love.

We try to get love when we feel empty inside and can share love only when we learn to first fill ourselves with love. We cannot share that which we do not have within. The wounded part of us seeks constantly to get love and avoid pain, resulting in an inability to share love.

The Fears that Underlie the Fears of Intimacy and Commitment

Why are love, connection and intimacy so elusive?

We sit enraptured at movies that depict two people experiencing the delight of falling in love. We thrill at their discovery of each other, their laughter, their uninhibited joy.

We love to read stories about deep friendship, about people committed to truly caring about each other over the long haul.

And we yearn for these experiences in our own lives.

Yet when we have a chance to have love, the story is a little different.

This is because, as much as we want love, we often want to avoid that which we fear even more. We don’t feel safe enough in ourselves to risk loving another.

Two major fears get in our way and undermine our wonderful new connection with someone, or even prevent that connection from ever occurring:

• Fear of rejection: the loss of another’s love through anger, emotional withdrawal, physical withdrawal or death.

• Fear of engulfment: the loss of self through being controlled, consumed, invaded, suffocated, dominated and swallowed up by another.

These fears stem from childhood experiences and from defining our worth externally through others’ approval, rather than internally through spiritual eyes of truth.

We will be unable to share our love to the fullest extent until we heal these fears of loss of others and of loss of self. We will be unable to create the safe relationship space in which to share love and a safe world in which to live until we learn how to create safety within.

Until these fears are healed, we will react defensively whenever they are triggered.

What do you do when your fears of rejection are activated? Do you withdraw, comply, get angry, mean or sarcastic? Do you defend, explain or teach?

Most of us have learned many controlling behaviors to protect ourselves from experiencing our fears. However when we react in our different defensive ways, the result will be the same—our reactive behavior will trigger our partner’s own fears of rejection or engulfment.

Now both of us are acting out of fear.

Together we have created an unsafe relationship space where love and intimacy will gradually erode. And that is why in my opinion so many unhappily married, or later divorced people.

The Unsafe Relationship Space

What do I mean by the term “relationship space”? How is a “relationship space” different from a “relationship”?

A relationship space is the environment in which the relationship is occurring. It is the energy created by the two people involved.

I think of this environment, this relationship space, as an actual entity that both people are responsible for creating.

It can be a safe relationship space, which is open, warm and inviting, or it can be an unsafe relationship space, which is hard, dark, unforgiving and full of fear.

The kind of environment in which our relationship takes place is crucial to its success—or failure.

Many of us have spent much time in unsafe relationship spaces. In fact, some of us have never experienced a safe relationship space because many, if not most of us, have not learned to stay open when our fears of being rejected or controlled are triggered.

If, when these fears are activated, we focus on who is at fault or who started it, we perpetuate an unsafe relationship space. Blaming another for our fears (and for our own reactive, unloving behavior) makes the relationship space more unsafe than ever.

Both people in the relationship end up feeling badly, each of us believing that our pain is the result of the other person’s behavior.

We feel victimized, helpless, stuck and disconnected from our partner. We desperately want the other person to see what they are doing that (we think) is causing our pain.

We think that if the other person only understands this, they will change—and we exhaust ourselves trying to figure out how to make them understand.

Over time, being in an unsafe relationship space creates distance between the people involved. When we have not created a safe space in which to speak our complete, heartfelt truth about ourselves, the joy between us gradually dies.

And the more we hold back our innermost feelings and experiences, the shallower our connection becomes.

Our intimacy crumbles.

In friendships, marriages and work relationships, our joy, aliveness and creativity get lost as we each give up parts of ourselves in an attempt to feel safe.

In romantic relationships, passion dries up. Superficiality, boredom, fighting and apathy take its place.

We try valiantly to figure out what went wrong. But too often we ask, “What am I doing wrong?” or “What are you doing wrong?” rather than inquiring into the health of the relationship space itself.

Only when we look at the relationship space will we see what we are each doing to create the unsafe space. The dual fears of losing the other through rejection and losing ourselves through being swallowed up by the other are the underlying cause of our unloving, reactive behavior.

These fears are deeply rooted. They cannot be healed or overcome by getting someone else’s love.

Creating a Safe Relationship Space

The way out of the unsafe relationship system is for each person to develop a strong loving adult self, capable of handling the fears of rejection and engulfment without protecting. This means learning to not take rejection personally and learning to set loving limits.

The key to doing this is learning how to create a safe inner space where we can work with and overcome our fears of rejection and engulfment. This is a process, not an event—a compassionate process of learning to love ourselves rather than abandon ourselves.

Only when you have achieved inner safety can you create a safe relationship space.

You can gradually learned to stop attacking or withdrawing and take loving care of yourself whenever your fears surface. You can learn to create inner safety when you feel threatened, rather than trying to get others to make you feel safe from your fears.

Any two people who are willing to learn to create their own inner sense of safety can also learn to create a safe relationship space where their intimacy and passion will flourish and their love will endure ❤

Advertisements

Image

“He who contemplates the depths of Paris is seized with vertigo.

Nothing is more fantastic. Nothing is more tragic.

Nothing is more sublime.”

― Victor Hugo

“A walk about Paris will provide lessons in history, beauty, and in the point of Life.”

― Thomas Jefferson

Paris… i spend 2 weeks there… living in the apartment, taking a metro, having coffee in brasserie,  walking around history and thinking… The city, definitely makes you think about yourself and “the point of life” as Thomas Jefferson said.

The feeling that The City gives you, i believe she is not actually giving us a particular feeling, it more of a wayfinding in touch with yourself… Everything you have inside all of a sudden comes out and makes you feel this rush of emotions, feelings, understanding and confusing at the same time. Paris brings it all out in an open space to your mind where you not always ready to deal with what is coming your way…

I think Paris is one of those places that can amplify whatever you are feeling – so if you go in love with the idea of visiting the city of your dreams, that will be reflected in your experience. If you go as a couple in love… all the rush of feeling “in love” will be magnified.  And if you are melancholy from being alone, you might end up crying over your fate. Sometimes we get caught up in illusion of romantic City, where magic happens.  But i think it is better to visit Paris alone the first time. Just be yourself and feel her. What i think is, that Paris in a way a soulmate to all and each one of us… Paris is not a perfect fit like in a mediocre understanding of a word “soulmate” is, she is like a mirror, something that shows you everything that is holding you back… She brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. I think everyone in their lifetime should visit Paris, because this city, when you let her in your life… somehow becomes part of you, and she reveals layer of yourself to you that you never expected to see or even know it existed.

How many minds opened, how many hearts brought to maturity, how many powerful natures fulfilled!…No matter where we look, Paris turns out to have been the decisive element. Without Paris, Jefferson would not be Jefferson, Franklin would not be Franklin, Chopin would not be Chopin…Freud would not be Freud…Picasso would not be Picasso. That list could be remade a hundred times over, and in almost every domain of human activity. The role of Paris in all this is active, not passive. The people I have named did not ‘have a good time’ in Paris. Paris drove them to give of their best and defied them to fall short of it… Paris broke them down, teared them apart and broke their hearts open so new light could get in… That is the true romance.

I do not think that after visiting Paris i became a new person, or that i had the most amazing time there… no. But i must say, i cannot stop thinking about her, about the streets and uneasy feeling i felt during my visit. The reasons could be different, the mind set i was in when i came to Paris, uneasy life situations… anything can be discussed for hours… but to me i am glad i had this wonderful experience and i hope that my next trip to Paris will be not to try figure myself out, but to enjoy sunset walks, public kisses, and romantic side of Paris. I believe that for now Paris did what had to be done to me at this period of my life… to tear down my walls and bring out all the feelings that were deep inside, to decide as to what i want in life and why, to see my heart from inside out and to understand my mind, to make my heart and mind work as one… It is raw now, and painful, and broken… so i hope now i can let the light in, finally… to feel in heart what it never felt before…

I have always been fascinated by Dali’s work. He is a mad genius, like many other… like Da Vinci, Einstein and so on…

Image

So, while in Paris and visiting Espace Dali, i saw illustration of tarot cards. Honestly i was shocked, but in a good way… now i am obsession over a way as to how to get such tarot cards 🙂 Only Dali could do such a great job illustrating these, just like illustrating Dante Alighieri “Divine Comedy”… only such mad genius like Dali can make tarot cards priceless possession! Brava Salvatore Dali! 

ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImagetImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage

Using infographical maps to represent data is nothing new, but London-based designer Yanko Tsvetkov, through his site alphadesigner.com, has taken this common form in a new direction by releasing a series of both funny and thought-provoking prejudice maps. Instead of displaying political borders or statistics, his maps make tongue-in-cheek representations of social, cultural and political stereotypes.

The stereotype maps label nations and geographical regions by the stereotypes through which they are perceived by the map’s primary subject. The labels he uses touch on everything from political concerns, like the development of the European Union, to cultural stereotypes, like the Hellenocentric view that Greece gave Europe its culture. The U.S.A’s map labels Russia as a communist stronghold, while Britain’s map labels Ireland as an island full of rascals.

Possibly the best part about the maps is that the labels pull no punches. You’ll get a good laugh from some of the funnier maps and labels, like the map of the world according to Silvio Berlusconi, in which the nations are labeled by the type of women one can find there.

Designer Yanko Tsvetkov, the man behind alphadesigner.com, has received international acclaim for his clever maps, which have garnered millions of views. His maps are worth looking at no matter where you’re from. You might learn a thing or two.

Source: alphadesigner.com

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image