Posts Tagged ‘Philosophy’

head-vs-heart

Dear Heart,

I have a vein to pick with you, as I’m feeling pretty insecure and unsafe about a few things.

As you know I cut you out of my life for years because your desires were too big for me to handle and I was not strong enough to support and manifest them.

However after a painful game of tug of war, your strength eventually outweighed mine.

I surrendered respectfully and we re-connected. I listened to your every wish and did what you asked, as much as it broke my ego from every direction. I became your servant and your organizer and everyone thought I was mad for the choices I made.

I left my relationship, my career, I moved, I travelled.

I shocked everyone! I felt love again, true passion. I found my creativity, I found myself.

Things have been great. Now you want change again? You’re teasing me with dreams of far away places as I close my eyes to rest. You whisper in my ear as I’m waking up. You want me to uproot and explore again.

Why? Don’t you think about the future? Do you even have a plan?

If you are all about love, then why do you make me do things that hurt?

Why do you draw me towards people and then ask me to let go? Don’t you realize this breaks their heart? And mine too? It breaks you!

Why do you inflict so much pain on yourself?

Heart, sometimes I wish you were content with clothes, cooking and children like the other women. Don’t you realize people think we’re lost, reckless, crazy?

Heart, you’re too wild for me. But I promised I’d always listen to you. Please just tell me everything is going to be okay.

Yours truly,

Head x

***

Darling Head,

I know it seemed like my desires were too much for you to handle, but they were never too big, you just allowed fear to make the final decision every time until we eventually disconnected.

You see Head, all I see from down here are opportunities to experience love and to grow. This requires change, movement. Either we’re moving deeper into something, or moving on from something.

I’m here to push you out of your comfort zone.

The pain is the cracking open as I become vulnerable, expand to my absolute limits of love, learn to accept love in, or let it achingly pour out.

Love is constantly connecting us to and moving us on from people and experiences. Some connections last a lifetime, others last only a moment. It’s painful to accept that some things don’t last forever.

There is beauty in this pain.

Let other people think we are lost. The truth is, their hearts may be just as wild, they just haven’t been brave enough to really listen. The laws of the heart are too divine for us to understand, they are beyond time and space, they exist only in the moment, they don’t need a plan, they are the plan.

If we continue to be fearless and move with the flow of love, I promise you—everything is going to be okay.

Love,

Heart x

(ref. Annalise McLean)

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“ I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not happy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. to share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know – unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.” (James Kavanaugh)

What do we want in life? Really and honestly, mostly honestly answering this question from the heart, and not lying to ourselves. I was sitting in a shower today, crying, and thinking about my life. I had a wonderful day today, i spent it on a beach, having lunch at french Cafe, walking through the waves, feeling sand between my toes and enjoying a nice breeze… I felt happy and sad at the same time. When i came home i could not stop tears from coming down. So, what makes me sad? What do i want? I believe i don’t know, or am i just lying to myself that i don’t know…

Do all people know what they want in life, do they know it from childhood, or do they figure it out in the course of their lives?

Reading the above quote by James Kavanaugh made me think about my life. Actually all past year i have been working on the realization of what i want to achieve in my life, what makes me happy and who i want to share my sadness and happiness with.

I believe that through pain and tears, through happy moments, through people we meet on our path, with all our scars we become stronger and realizes what we want and who we are. The pain we carry so deep in our hearts, that never goes away, we can just dull it a little, this pain makes us the amazing human beings that we are. If everybody lived in a happy and naive world, would there be so much incredible art, poetry, scientific discoveries?.. I don’t think so. Reading all the philosophers, modern and from history, looking at the art, reading biographies of great people, i noticed that they all carried a certain amount of pain that motivated them to create, to pursue what they believed was worthy and turned out it was. None of them had pleasurable and completely happy life. So, why does pain motivates us more then happiness?

Sometimes i feel envious of people that have no conscious, that nothing in their mind and heart pushes them to a place that is so unsettling and brings pain.  Sacrifices that we make in life for the sake of others, or “greater good” are they worth it? What is better to be in peace with your conscious and be not completely happy, or be happy but you conscious beating you because of your decision to be happy?

So far, i have more questions than answers, but life is a journey, and someday i hope to find answers to as many questions as i can.

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Today i was in a melancholic and deep thinking mood, reading Andrea Gibson poetry. So i decided to share poem that really touched my heart and mind. 

“I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with.
Tell me why you loved them,
then tell me why they loved you.

Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through.
Tell me what the word home means to you
and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name
just by the way you describe your bedroom
when you were eight.

See, I want to know the first time you felt the weight of hate,
and if that day still trembles beneath your bones.

Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain
or bounce in the bellies of snow?
And if you were to build a snowman,
would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms
or would leave your snowman armless
for the sake of being harmless to the tree?
And if you would,
would you notice how that tree weeps for you
because your snowman has no arms to hug you
every time you kiss him on the cheek?

Do you kiss your friends on the cheek?
Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad
even if it makes your lover mad?
Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion
or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?

See, I wanna know what you think of your first name,
and if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy
when she spoke it for the very first time.

I want you to tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind.
Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel.
Tell me, knowing I often picture Gandhi at ten years old
beating up little boys at school.

If you were walking by a chemical plant
where smokestacks were filling the sky with dark black clouds
would you holler “Poison! Poison! Poison!” really loud
or would you whisper
“That cloud looks like a fish,
and that cloud looks like a fairy!”

Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin?
Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea?
And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me —
how would you explain the miracle of my life to me?

See, I wanna know if you believe in any god
or if you believe in many gods
or better yet
what gods believe in you.
And for all the times that you’ve knelt before the temple of yourself,
have the prayers you asked come true?
And if they didn’t, did you feel denied?
And if you felt denied,
denied by who?

I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling good.
I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling bad.
I wanna know the first person who taught you your beauty
could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass.

If you ever reach enlightenment
will you remember how to laugh?

Have you ever been a song?
Would you think less of me
if I told you I’ve lived my entire life a little off-key?
And I’m not nearly as smart as my poetry
I just plagiarize the thoughts of the people around me
who have learned the wisdom of silence.

Do you believe that concrete perpetuates violence?
And if you do —
I want you to tell me of a meadow
where my skateboard will soar.

See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living.
I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving,
and if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes.
I wanna know if you bleed sometimes
from other people’s wounds,
and if you dream sometimes
that this life is just a balloon —
that if you wanted to, you could pop,
but you never would
‘cause you’d never want it to stop.

If a tree fell in the forest
and you were the only one there to hear —
if its fall to the ground didn’t make a sound,
would you panic in fear that you didn’t exist,
or would you bask in the bliss of your nothingness?

And lastly, let me ask you this:

If you and I went for a walk
and the entire walk, we didn’t talk —
do you think eventually, we’d… kiss?

No, wait.
That’s asking too much —
after all,
this is only our first date.” 
― Andrea Gibson

A week ago, i had a very interesting conversation with a friend, and he mentioned theory about biological aspect of the beauty. I have thought about Plato “golden proportion” theory but to hear it from male’s perspective was quite interesting.

Over thousands of years philosophers devoted a great deal of time to prove or invalidate the biological side of beauty.

In ancient Greece, Helen of Troy, the instigator of the Trojan War, was the paragon of beauty, exuding a physical brilliance that would put Cindy Crawford to shame. Indeed, she was the toast of Athens, celebrated not for her kindness or her intellect, but for her physical perfection. But why did the Greek men find Helen, and other beautiful women, so intoxicating? 

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Guido Reni 1635, situated in Louvre Museum, Paris

Maybe i am wrong, but i think, one of the first philosophers that considered biological and mathematical aspect of beauty was Plato. Plato wrote of so-called “golden proportions,” in which, amongst other things, the width of an ideal face would be two-thirds its length, while a nose would be no longer than the distance between the eyes. Plato’s golden proportions, however, haven’t quite held up to the rigors of modern psychological and biological research — though there is credence in the ancient Greeks’ attempts to determine a fundamental symmetry that humans find attractive.

6:9 :: 8:12

In which 9 is the arithmetic mean, and 8 the harmonic mean between the extremes 6 and 12.

Plato’s writings on beauty are based on his doctrine of ideas. He explained that what we know from everyday experience is not knowledge but only belief or assumption (Gk. doxa) and we should try to find behind it the permanent real knowledge (Gk. episteme) which consists of “ideas”. One of the ideas is “beauty” (Gk. to kalon), or the permanent property which belongs to all beautiful objects. This property remains the same irrespective of whether somebody admires the object or not.

“That which is apprehended by intelligence and reason is always in the same state; but that which is conceived by opinion with the help of sensation and without reason, is always in a process of becoming and perishing and never really is.” (Plato: Timaeus, trans. Benjamin Jowett).

“That which is always the same” or the constant essence of beauty might consist of e.g. proportions of the dimensions. This idea is attributed to Pythagoras (ca. 532 BC) who is said to have discovered the fact that certain arithmetical proportions in musical instruments, e.g. the lengths of strings, produce harmony of tones (on the right, an illustration from Gafurio’s Theorica Musice, 1492). On the basis of these musical harmonies the Greek tried to explain also the beauty in the proportions of the human body, of architecture and other objects.

Vitruve (I:III:2) said that a building is beautiful when the appearance of the work is pleasing and in good taste, and when its members are in due proportion according to correct principles of “symmetry” (where “symmetry” means “a proper agreement between the members of the work itself, and relation between the different parts and the whole general scheme, in accordance with a certain part selected as standard. — The definition of symmetry is found in I:II:4).

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Carle Vanloo, Elizabeth Petrovna 1760

On the other hand, it seems senseless to say that beauty has no connection to subjective response or that it is entirely objective. That would seem to entail, for example, that a world with no perceivers could be beautiful or ugly, or perhaps that beauty could be detected by scientific instruments. Even if it could be, beauty would seem to be connected to subjective response, and though we may argue about whether something is beautiful, the idea that one’s experiences of beauty might be disqualified as simply inaccurate or false might arouse puzzlement as well as hostility. We often regard other people’s taste, even when it differs from our own, as provisionally entitled to some respect, as we may not, for example, in cases of moral, political, or factual opinions. All plausible accounts of beauty connect it to a pleasurable or profound or loving response, even if they do not locate beauty purely in the eye of the beholder.

Nevertheless, eighteenth-century philosophers such as Hume and Kant (my personal favorite) perceived that something important was lost when beauty was treated merely as a subjective state. They saw, for example, that controversies often arise about the beauty of particular things, such as works of art and literature, and that in such controversies, reasons can sometimes be given and will sometimes be found convincing. They saw, as well, that if beauty is completely relative to individual experiencers, it ceases to be a paramount value, or even recognizable as a value at all across persons or societies.

Hume’s “Of the Standard of Taste” and Kant’s Critique Of Judgment attempt to find ways through what has been termed ‘the antinomy of taste.’ Taste is proverbially subjective: de gustibus non disputandum est (about taste there is no disputing). On the other hand, we do frequently dispute about matters of taste, and some persons are held up as exemplars of good taste or of tastelessness. Some people’s tastes appear vulgar or ostentatious, for example. Some people’s taste is too exquisitely refined, while that of others is crude, naive, or non-existent. Taste, that is, appears to be both subjective and objective: that is the antinomy.

Both Hume and Kant,  begin by acknowledging that taste or the ability to detect or experience beauty is fundamentally subjective, that there is no standard of taste in the sense that the Canon was held to be, that if people did not experience certain kinds of pleasure, there would be no beauty. Both acknowledge that reasons can count, however, and that some tastes are better than others. In different ways, they both treat judgments of beauty neither precisely as purely subjective nor precisely as objective but as inter-subjective or as having a social and cultural aspect, or as conceptually entailing an inter-subjective claim to validity.

There is social aspect, for example every country has its own criteria that counts as “attractive”. For example, Chinese men prefer women with small feet. In Shakespearean England, ankles were the rage. In some African tribal cultures, men like women who insert large discs in their lips.Aside from symmetry, males in Western cultures generally prefer females with a small jaw, a small nose, large eyes, and defined cheekbones – features often described as “baby faced”, that resemble an infant’s. Females, however, i read a study, have a preference for males who look more mature — generally heart-shaped, small-chinned faces with full lips and fair skin. But during menstruation, females prefer a soft-featured male to a masculine one. Indeed, researchers found that female perceptions of beauty actually change throughout the month.

 

In my humble opinion, i think real beauty of the woman is in her qualities, her actions, spark in her eyes, her smile, her grace and kindness, her confidence and her knowledge…. There are so many aspects that makes a woman beautiful in my opinion… that we cannot objectively say someone is beautiful or not until we actually  get to know a person. Yes, inner world is so cliche, and human beings are such a visual creatures, but i still believe that the beautiful “shell” of the woman is only one third of the actual beauty of any woman, or even less… Symmetrical and proportionate face is great, 90-60-90 body is fantastic, but physical attributes can be accomplished in this world quite easy, gym and possibly if necessary minor cosmetics, but what is inside cannot be hided or changed. You can look like a proportionate Barbie, and the moment you open your mouth – well guess. Yes, most males attracted to such type, because as i said we are visual creatures, but normal, self sufficient and smart male would never go with such woman beyond just “play”, so i positively encourage young generation of women to not be lazy and rely on their nature given gifts but pursue something more substantial.

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I know i have been “lost” for awhile and have not been writing as much as i wanted… Actually i have written a lot, but they all went in my “diary”-like pile… It seems like somehow i get sidetracked and my posts become way to personal as to what is going on in my life, so i keep mum for now 🙂

Yesterday, i was too lazy to go out to the art supply store, so instead i took my “bamboo” tablet out and draw that way… it took me two days (out of which 4 hours of sleep – talking about being a bit obsessive, lol), almost a heart attack (when my laptop froze and i thought i lost my work) and now with all done… i cannot choose which one i like the most so i post all of them!

I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think.

Was I the same when i got up this morning?

I almost think I can remember  feeling little different.

But if I am not the same, the next question is “Who in the world Am I?”

Ah, that’s the greatest puzzle!

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“Common sense is seeing things as they are; and doing things as they ought to be.” ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Voltaire said that “common sense is not so common.” Most people would probably tend to agree, as foolishness is certainly rampant. Although it should be core curriculum, they just don’t teach common sense in school. You can only get so far in life by memorizing a bunch of facts. To be truly successful, you’ve got to have good sense.

So where does one get good sense? Is it something that a lucky few are born with? Luckily, no. Good sense is one hundred percent learned behavior, equally accessible to anyone who wants it. All you have to do is observe what works and what doesn’t work for others.

Here is twelve common traits among people with good sense:

1. They keep their promises.

People with good sense aren’t flakes. They do what they say and by maintaining their integrity, they build trusting relationships. People with good sense are people you can count on.

2. They set boundaries and know when to say no.

Boundaries create balanced lives and people with good sense understand this. They know what they can handle and which behaviors are unacceptable in other people and are able to confidently and clearly state their limits.

3. They control their own money.

I’ve seen many a life-ruining disaster caused when individuals give up control of their finances to someone else. People with good sense make their own decisions about spending and investing. They know how much money they have and where it’s going at all times.

4. They don’t have children they can’t take care of with unfit partners.

This may well be the most important lesson. Take it to heart. Having a child that one is not psychologically, financially or physically prepared for is probably the worst mistake anyone can make. Having a child with a partner who is equally unprepared to parent or who isn’t interested in parenting will not end well for anyone involved, especially the child. Good sense means planning and preparing for parenthood.

5. They don’t poison their bodies.

Common sense would tell you that smoking, eating junk food, getting high or binge drinking are stupid things to do, yet so many people ignore this logic and over-indulge. People with good sense seek healthier alternatives and honor their bodies.

6. They know that it’s ok to changes one’s mind.

Politicians have tricked us into thinking that being a “flip-flopper” is a bad thing. Wrong. Stubbornness and close-mindedness aren’t virtues. People with good sense are able to objectively assess situations and see different viewpoints, giving themselves the freedom to change their opinions when they have more information. That’s called learning and having humility.

7. They can delay gratification.

The most successful among us, by any definition of the word, are those who can make sacrifices in the present in order to obtain future rewards. Also known as will-power.

8. They don’t buy things with money they don’t have.

Follow this wisdom and you’ll save yourself a world of trouble and stay out of debt. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. Period.

9. They have goals and plan for the future, yet remain flexible too. People with good sense look forward to their futures. They have a plan but they understand that being rigid isn’t useful. Unexpected opportunities can always arise as can sudden setbacks and it’s important to accept change and go with the flow as one works towards his or her goal.

10. They don’t build relationships to “network” or because a friendship benefits them in some way.

They make friends because they appreciate genuine, meaningful human interaction. There are no real rewards to kissing butt, but the benefits of true friendships are endless.

11. They spot red flags and move on without making excuses for people.

Another biggie right here, people. Making excuses for other peoples’ bad, toxic, stupid or otherwise unacceptable behavior isn’t the same thing as being kind, tolerant, forgiving or nonjudgmental. It’s just dumb and it will get you into a world of trouble. When people show their true colors, forgive them in your heart, but run as fast as you can away from them. People with good sense don’t waste time on dysfunction. They surround themselves instead with nurturing relationships.

12. They are committed and focused.

Most successes can be attributed to showing up and sticking around. People with good sense are in it for the long haul and they aren’t fickle. They don’t give up at the first signs of discomfort and they know that sometimes, to solve a problem, gain a new skill or master a discipline that you just need more time. They complete projects instead of abandoning them and they don’t continually stop what they’re working on to start something new. They’re loyal to their passions.

( source article is from http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/01/the-top-12-habits-of-people-with-good-sense/)

I am very interested in psychology and how our mind, personality and brain work together. So on this Christmas morning i finally decided to try MBTI, and see how accurate it is, in regards of my personality. Results were amazing, as you can see below, pretty accurate. I am INTP – Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical. That is 100% me 🙂
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INTP personality
“Philosophers”, “architects”, “dreamy professors”… These epithets are most often used to describe the INTP personality type. INTPs love theories and believe that everything can be analyzed and improved. They are not that concerned about the real world and practical things – from the INTPs’ perspective, it is often less exciting than ideas and intellectual pursuits. People with this personality type have no difficulties noticing patterns where others cannot – this makes them brilliant theorists and analysts.

The accumulated knowledge is the most valued asset of any INTP. Imagine an immensely complicated clockwork which is constantly absorbing, processing and generating all kinds of theories – this is how the INTP mind works. People with the INTP personality type possess the most logically precise mind of all personality types – they can easily notice even the tiniest discrepancies between two statements, no matter how much time would have passed in between. It is a bad idea to lie to an INTP. They may appear dreamy sometimes, but this is not because their mind is resting – quite the opposite.

INTPs are enthusiastic and impartial when it comes to dealing with problems – they drill through the details and then develop a unique approach and ultimately a viable solution. INTPs are usually very intelligent and insightful people, able to remain unbiased in any situation. They absolutely love new ideas and theories and would never miss an opportunity to discuss them with other people – however, this never-ending thinking process also makes them look somewhat pensive and detached, as INTPs are perfectly able to conduct full-fledged debates in their own heads.

People with this personality type may also find it quite difficult to explain their thoughts to others, even when it becomes obvious that their theories are not easily graspable. INTPs may also move on to another topic before their co-workers or partners have figured out what the INTP wanted to say.

INTPs cannot stand routine work – they would much rather tackle a difficult theoretical problem. INTP personalities really have no limits when it comes to theoretical riddles – if there is no easy solution and the topic is interesting enough, an INTP can spend ages trying to come up with a solution.

INTP personalities are usually very shy and reluctant when it comes to meeting other people. However, INTPs can also be very friendly and confident when they interact with people they know well or talk about things that interest them. INTPs are flexible and relaxed in nearly all situations, except when their beliefs or logical conclusions are being criticized. In those cases, the INTP is likely to become very defensive and argue tirelessly.

Sharing many personality traits with other T types, INTPs do not really understand or value decisions based on feelings or subjective opinions. In their opinion, the only good solution is the logical solution – INTPs do not see a point in using emotional arguments. Such an approach preserves the “sanctity” of their intellectual method; however, this also makes it difficult for INTP personalities to understand other people’s feelings or satisfy their emotional needs.

Individuals with the INTP personality type are likely to be very open-minded and even eccentric. These traits, combined with their capacity for inventiveness and original thought, make up a very powerful mix – it is not surprising that INTPs are responsible for many scientific discoveries. An INTP is unlikely to care much about social expectations and the “usual” goals such as job security – however, they will do their best to find an environment where their creative genius and potential can be expressed.

One of the few bottlenecks that INTPs impose upon themselves is their restless fear of possible failure. No other personality type worries that much about missing a piece of the mental puzzle or overlooking some crucial fact that might lead to a better solution. Unlike their more confident INTJ or ENTJ cousins, INTPs could spend ages reflecting on their actions. Even when an INTP is arguing with someone, this should be taken with a grain of salt – they might as well be arguing with their own mind.

Some famous INTPs:

Socrates, philosopher
Rene Descartes, philosopher
Blaise Pascal, mathematician, philosopher
Isaac Newton, physicist
Carl Jung, psychologist
Albert Einstein, physicist
James Madison, the former U.S. president
Dwight D. Eisenhower, a former U.S. president
Gerald Ford, former U.S. president
Tiger Woods, professional golfer
INTP relationships and dating
Even though romantic relationships and dating are inherently difficult for INTPs, people with this personality type take them very seriously. The main problem that INTPs are likely to face in this area is that they are not naturally sensitive or emotional individuals – consequently, understanding another person’s feelings or expressing their own is not something that an INTP is well equipped to do.

Furthermore, INTPs strongly dislike being at the centre of emotionally-charged situations. As interpersonal conflicts are virtually inevitable even in happiest romantic relationships, INTPs may find those situations quite frustrating and consequently try to avoid or ignore emotional conflicts in their relationship, especially during the dating phase. If there is no escape, the INTP will try to find a solution, but likely rely on the analytical approach, which can be very different from what their partner (especially if they belong to one of the F personality types) might expect. INTP personalities should try to include this in their thought process, especially when it comes to dealing with conflicts in the earlier stages of the relationship.

These weaknesses aside, INTP personalities tend to be very loyal and faithful partners. INTPs are also unusually direct and honest, even if they have just started dating someone. People with this personality type always stick to their commitments and are actually quite easy to date and live with – they have simple daily needs and do not demand much from their partners. However, despite seeking simplicity in dating and romantic relationships, INTPs do not lack passion or romantic feelings. On the contrary, people with the INTP personality type tend to be extremely creative individuals whose vivid imagination allows them to always remain very enthusiastic and passionate in romantic relationships. Anyone dating an INTP may be quite surprised by this sometimes.

INTPs’ simple daily needs are a complete opposite of their inner world, which is bound to be very complex and colourful. However, there is a certain logic behind this – INTPs purposefully seek simplicity in the “real” life so that they can focus all their mental power on the inner world.

People with the INTP personality type are likely to use their rich imagination to achieve as much as possible in intimate situations. While their enthusiasm can be very impressive, INTPs should be aware of their tendency to prioritize the inner world – it is entirely possible that an INTP will imagine an intimate situation in a very exciting and interesting way, but will choose not to reveal that to their dating or long-term partner.

Another potential issue that someone with the INTP personality type should try to resolve is their tendency to overlook their partner’s emotional needs. As already mentioned above, INTPs are not naturally sensitive or emotional, but their partner might have a very different personality – it is important for an INTP to try to understand their feelings and communicate on the emotional level, instead of simply relying on commitment and dedication and believing that this is all that is needed. Of course, their partner should also be aware of INTP personality traits and quirks, and try not to demand constant flow of emotions from the INTP.

Preferred partners: ENTJ and ENFJ types.

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To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

“Be yourself. If you water yourself down to please people or to fit in or to not offend anyone, you lose the power, the passion, the freedom and the joy of being uniquely you. It’s much easier to love yourself when you are being yourself.” – Dan Coppersmith

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” – unknown

Many people I talk with feel that they have no joy in their life. They feel obligated to do so many things that they don’t have time for themselves and the things they really want to do.

As a result, people feel drained, anxious, and resentful. With so many outside forces competing for their time, energy and financial resources, is it really any wonder they feel this way? So what do we do? How can we remain balanced among this sea of obligations and commitments?

The answer is to live consciously. By looking at each decision we are making and by asking ourselves, “Is this really what I want to be doing? Is this really what is right for me?” And then by making sure our actions stay in alignment with our true intentions.

Saying yes when we mean no often causes us not to trust ourselves. It damages our confidence and lowers our self-esteem. We stop trusting ourselves, and that is usually the beginning of all the self-esteem issues and low self confidence.

So why do we do it?

From a young age, we are conditioned to act in certain ways in order to feel loved and accepted. This is the beginning of our loss of personal power and authenticity. A simple example is when our parents tell us what is bad or good, like it is bed to draw on the walls with crayon, but it is good to clean dishes after we eat… and so on. When we born, we are not aware of what is good or what is bad. Yes, conditions and family in which we grow up build us and our personality, but we also can create our own persona as we like later in conscious life.

In order to create change we will need to recondition our beliefs by discovering what is really true for us. Recently, with all life changes, i decided to go to therapy and figure out who i really am. Sometimes we get lost in life, in responsibilities and in other people, usually our loved ones. But who we really are sometimes is more important, and to figure that out sometimes we need guidance. I always felt that i knew exactly who i am and what i want in life, but now i feel lost a little… it is like a juggle, you learn how to juggle with two oranges and then life all of a sudden throws in 3 more, and you need to learn how to juggle 5, and not lose yourself in the process. Because you, are the most important! Your happiness, your piece of mind, without you – what is the point of your life?!

These are the questions I ask myself to become aware of any patterns and beliefs that no longer work for me. Once you become aware of these beliefs, you can simply begin to consciously change them.

Ask yourself: “Why am I doing this? Is it because…”

  • I will feel guilty if I don’t?
  • Everyone else is doing it, so I should too?
  • I want others to think I am a nice person?
  • I want to feel accepted?
  • I don’t feel good enough about myself to do what is really right for me?
  • I have trouble saying “no” or being myself around certain people?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above questions you are cheating yourself out of the things that bring you happiness and joy!

I came across post called “12 things happy people do differently” by Marc

#1 Express Gratitude

*When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciate in value

* If we aren’t thankful for what we already have, we will have a hard time ever being happy

#2 Cultivate Optimism

* People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.

#3 Avoid over-thinking and social comparison

* Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous

* The only person you should compare to is yourself before now

#4 Practice acts of kindness

* Selfishness helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside

#5 Nurture social relationships

* The happiest people on the planet ate the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships

#6 Develop strategies for coping

* It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsal, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal

#7 Learn to forgive

* Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being

#8 Increase flow experience

* Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still

* It is when you are focused on what you are doing that you become one with task

* Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus

#9 Savor life’s joys

* Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy

#10 Commit to your goals

* Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere

#11 Practice Spirituality

* When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us

* We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever

#12 Take care of your body

* Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.

The next time you hear yourself saying, I love to garden…but I don’t have time or I love to golf…but I’m too busy remember you can choose differently. You can choose to believe you are valuable; what is right for you does matter, and that your happiness is a priority.

Your life is the culmination of each decision you make every moment (whether you are aware of what you are choosing or not). Begin to understand the intention behind every action you take and make a conscious decision to do only what is right for you. Gather the courage each moment and say “no” to anything or anyone that doesn’t allow you to be yourself, or to live in alignment with your dreams.

What will you choose? Will you choose to stay in power by acting with the knowledge that you are responsible for every action in your life? Or will you continue to give your power away in order to feel valued and accepted in the eyes of another?

The choice is ONLY ours to make.

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I chose freedom?

Not many people will argue that freedom is better than restraint. But in reality many people are ready to sacrifice freedom for tranquility, comfort, tradition.

Do we really want to have freedom and be free people?

Lately we talk about freedom quite often. I really never thought about what freedom really is, what does it mean. Are we born free of we acquire freedom with experience?

And what is the difference between freedom that single people talk about and freedom that politicians promise?

“All people are born free” – repeated quite often by people who desire best for humankind. But there are always been those that felt that our relationship with freedom is not as simple. There are freedom that poets talked about, and kids in schools used to write essays about. Psychology has a different view on freedom, for them our freedom that we were born with is not obvious. Just because psychology associates freedom with our actions, but not with our beings. And until there is actions, there is no reason talking about freedom. But when I think about a newborn, does he have freedom in his actions? He is born in loving home, he can sleep whenever he wants, he eats when he wants to eat, he plays if he choses to… Does that mean he is free because he does what he wants? No, because all this actions – expression of spontaneity, immediate impulses, explains psychologist Dmitry Leontiev. “Freedom relate with spontaneity as a higher psychological function with lower. Lower psychological functions act  more on their own, more mechanically.  Higher functions – our actions that we do consciously, from our own experience and notions as to how are we suppose to act.” And although manifestations of higher and lower functions may be simlar, the reasons for them are often completely different.So what actions coupld be counted as the real manifestations of freedom? Those that we commit with clear awareness of the consequences and willingness to answer for our actions. Acting free does not mean act good, freedom can not be evaluated. With freedom – by your own will, with full awareness of the consequences, – we may act very badly.

There is another side to freedom, freedom tied up in conjunction with responsibility. Freedom and responsibility is the same thing, it is two sides of one coin, each of which does not exist by itself. Freedom and responsibility have different roots. Beginning of freedom is that childish freedom. Responsibility is raised in us by restrictions: restrictions set by parents, religious beliefs, and even our own self control. These parallels cross each other later in life, or sometimes do not cross at all. But the point of cross suppose to be around teenage years. I recently read one of experimental study on correlation of freedom and responsibility in teenagers, study was done in 1980s and psychologists found 4 types of behavior that worth mentioning: autonomous, impulsive, symbiotic and conformal. Autonomous behavior – is a perfect balance of freedom and responsibility; that is the behavior of a truly free person. In impulsive teens (usually it is boys) the spontaneity of conduct clearly prevails over the responsibility for their actions. “Symbiotic” teenagers are ready to adapt to any requirements:they demonstrate high level of responsibility and distinct lack of freedom. And finally conformal teens they prefer to “swim with the tide” – they lack both freedom and responsibility.

MANIFEST OF FREE PERSON

Working on this “Manifest of free person” I was trying to understand from different points of view, what is freedom? The answer seems so simple, “intuitive easy to understand”… but so elusive.  For me important not the concept, but the way of existence as a free human being. What is he/she feeling, what are his/her actions, what is the most important for him/her, what does he/she believe in?.. So after deliberate research I came up with 10 main point that i think are applicable to the description of “free human”

  1. Freedom for me – not the purpose, but a way of life
  2. Everything that I think about is consistent with what I say or do. I avoid lies and hypocrisy.
  3. I support the manifestation of freedom in others and respect other people’s opinion
  4. I take responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions. I do not wait for someone else make a decision for me, and I am not complaining about circumstances
  5. I remember, that I can make mistakes, like any other person. I can see my mistakes and recognize them
  6. My opinion may change. If I think today differently, that I thought yesterday, I will not hold on to my ideas for the sake of illusion
  7. I understand, that I might not know everything. I strive to differentiate my knowledge from my speculation, guesswork and desires
  8. I do not trust somebody elses opinion just because I respect that person. I strive to receive information from many sources, to analyse it myself and to check with the experience
  9. Fear – is the main obstacle on the way to freedom. I get rid of fear – fear of life, fear of others and myself, fear of being judged. My first step towards conquering my fear – is to notice and honestly admit, if I afraid of something.
  10. I understand and accept all my feelings and desires. I am not ashamed and I do not blame myself for them. When I express my feelings, will I pursue them and how I chose to do it, depends only on me.

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I decided to continue the topic about Love and why for so many people it is not easy to experience love… Couple months ago on one of the forums that i sometimes visit, me and couple other girls decided to talk as to why it is so difficult for us to fall in love and to say that we love. Usually we a driven by other part to respond, “Honey, i love you”, he says – what is there for the girl to answer? “me too Honey…”, she says – but does she really mean it?  So in our research of this topic we found out that 96% of the time after the “love confession” – we run, we break up the relationship, we just push that person away. Why does that happen? Is it soviet, “under iron curtain” education that we were susceptible to, so did it influenced us, made us “bitchy” or is there more to it? Most of us turn our hearts “off” and try as hard as we can to not fall in love and stay clear minded, and if we do fall in love it scares us because it makes us “weak” so we run from love, we push it away.

And as my curiosity never stops, i decided to research all the psychology books and other forums to see what others say about this, since i was sure we are not the only ones feeling that way… so here is what i found. I found out that there is a  term called “philophobia” – it is a fear of emotional attachment; fear of being in, or falling in love. Medical science defines philophobia as an abnormal, unwarranted and persistent fear of falling in love. Its name comes from Greek roots, “philo” meaning love and “phobia” meaning fear of. This fear of love isn’t merely a distressing emotional condition; it can result in actual physical symptoms, and may even heighten a person’s alienation from family, friends, coworkers and neighbors.

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The fear of love is truly an enigma in contemporary psychology. Human beings are the most social of animals, and yet the prospect of being loved – of expressing love to another, and thereby being emotionally vulnerable – evokes enough fear in some people that they run screaming for the nearest exit.

When i started thinking about this, i recalled an element of philophobia showed up during the first season of the hit TV show, “Glee”. i do not know if anyone watched it, so i will try to describe:  a high school club teacher, Will Schuester, has a date with Emma Pillsbury, the high school counselor who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and few other phobias, nonetheless she insists that she loves Will and wants to make love to him. However after seeing the two in romantic contact to the tune of Madonna’s hit song “like a virgin”, viewers later learn that Emma ran screaming from Wills apartment before they could consummate their love. A distraught departure from potential partner is certainly one of the signs of philophobia. Emma;s character exhibited some of the classic signs of the conflicted emotions endured by many people who suffer from fear of love and/or intimacy. As i read, they can experience a momentary exhilaration when they think of the prospects of giving or receiving love, than, at the crucial moment, philophobics become overwhelmed by their fears of what the previous emotions imply, such as the loss of emotional control and the vulnerability of physical contact.

I have read that some people have such severe philophobia that they cannot  even get as close to the potential lover as Emma came to Will. They suffer the classic reactions of many people with persistent, unreasonable fears including dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, dry mouth, sweating, trembling, weeping, panic attacks and roller-coaster emotions. These physical symptoms signal that something has gone wrong emotionally, that the body is responding to a mildly cautionary situation with an extreme expression of the “fight or fight” reaction.

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In other words, in these severe cases, the mind is thinking that falling in love poses a life-or-death threat to such degree that it automatically prepares the body to fight for survival. this excessive emotional response forms one of the clearest signs that a person is in grip of a phobia, in this case, the fear of love.

It’s important to understand that the fear is a normal human emotion. On fact, although it generally causes an unpleasant experience, fear is helpful emotion. It heightens people’s alertness to potential dangers and releases adrenaline useful for “fight or fight”. However, when fear becomes debilitating in the way we’re discussing here, it becomes an obstacle to life and not an ally.  I have seen couples where i know for sure, that the woman pushed away a person she really loved, because she was scared of love, and married the person she chose based on pure calculation. Yes, no doubt, sometimes marriages based on calculation survive longer than the ones based on love, but this is topic for discussion for another time and another post 🙂

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Despite what some people may think, there is no way to “just get over” severe phobias such as the fear of being in love, or falling in love. Even though the quest for love is an essential part of human life, people who develop a persistent, unwarranted fear of relationship often need professional help to be able to engage in normal relationship.”

Yes, as any phobias it can be treated with therapy, but what if you do not want to go to therapy, or you case of anxiety as not as severe as it will require therapy… so here is what i found interesting suggestions  on wikihow site…

  • Understand that the feeling of love is permissible. Let yourself be overcome by feelings of affection, care, intensity, and warmth. These feelings won’t destroy you––they are good, positive feelings. And if you let your own feelings of love show, it is so much easier for the other person to feel safe about reciprocating their mutual affection. Sometimes it is as much about you making it obvious that love has a place in your life as it is about expecting others to take care of your fragile heart––you’re not alone in feeling worried about love!
  • Rid yourself of past shadows. When you start feeling great affection for someone but the ghost of love gone wrong in the past starts fluttering by, tell yourself that this is a different situation and a different person. Remind yourself that you’re a wiser, more emotionally healthy self too. Emotionally healthy people learn from the lessons in the past, then move forward leaving the past behind. Make good now and trust this new beginning, as it is going to be worth it for both of you.
    • If you find that the past colors everything you’re doing in the present, then it might be time to get some talk therapy with someone you trust. Sometimes it takes talking it through to form a clearer picture of your fear and sense of loss.
    • Some people are not inhibited by the past so much as by the future. Such people constantly worry about how their future instead of living in the now––this can put the brakes on love too because unnecessary energy is spent on “what ifs”, such as “what if this doesn’t work out and I’ve wasted all my energy on building this relationship?”. If this is you, remind yourself that time spent building a relationship is never wasted, even if the person passes through your life, it still matters at the time and teaches you things about yourself and others.
  • Face your fears. If you feel a sense of suffocation, loss of self, or disillusionment about love, then you probably have a tougher road ahead than a person who fears a repeat of the past. For you, the fear is about losing yourself, your individuality. Think about the past and anyone who may have made you feel this way, suffocated, watched over, criticized too much. Put that memory into its place and recognize that that person or situation is very different from a love in which two people at an equal level care about one another and make mature decisions together.
  • When fear of love grips you, it helps to set very clear but friendly ground rules about yourself from the start of a loving relationship. Let the other person know that you will always feel a need for space, time alone, and opportunities to do things separate from your relationship but that this does not impact your love and care for this person. Rather, make it clear that this is a healthy way for a couple to be together, always growing and being individuals as much as being part of a couple.In relationships you can have alone time and you both need to have the understanding that nothing is wrong with having time to yourself.
  • Take the plunge slowly. You’re never going to be the type who sees fireworks and feels love at first sight––you’re too cautious and need to reflect. However, this is a positive, not a negative––only fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Take your time developing your loving relationship, and be mature, honest, straightforward and open with your partner. The love that flourishes from this slowly-does-it approach is often an enduring and respectful one. Moreover, slowly developed love tends to be more forgiving of the other person’s ways than a lightning bolt love that unravels when all the habits and foibles of the other person begin to show
  • Don’t give up your other passions. Being in a loving relationship means being in a supportive one. It is not about being changed by another person, or trying to change someone. If you fear that the person you love might end up wanting to change something about you, deal with this early on. Always make it clear that you come with the fox terriers, the summer vacation hunting trips, the night-out-with-the-girls once a week, the desire to never have children, the weekends locked away reading a book. If you have passions that define you, a partner who seeks to take them away from you will leave both of you unhappy and if this is what is stopping you from falling in love, return to the mantra of being open, clear, and up front from the start. Now that all this is out of the way, you can start open up and to fall in love and finally enjoy the journey to self-discovery that includes discovering someone else who cares for you. Good luck leaving fear behind!

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