Posts Tagged ‘surrealism’

love hug relationship

love hug relationship

In the depths of our souls we all yearn for love and connection with others.

That yearning reflects a basic, even biological, human need. Infants thrive physically only when they feel deeply loved and cherished. As adults, we experience wrenching, soul-level loneliness when we don’t have love and meaningful connection in our lives, yet all too frequently we don’t have these things.

Not with our parents or siblings, not with a mate, not even with a best friend.

We all intuitively know that the highest experience in life is the sharing of love. However, we often confuse the idea of sharing love with the idea of getting love.

We try to get love when we feel empty inside and can share love only when we learn to first fill ourselves with love. We cannot share that which we do not have within. The wounded part of us seeks constantly to get love and avoid pain, resulting in an inability to share love.

The Fears that Underlie the Fears of Intimacy and Commitment

Why are love, connection and intimacy so elusive?

We sit enraptured at movies that depict two people experiencing the delight of falling in love. We thrill at their discovery of each other, their laughter, their uninhibited joy.

We love to read stories about deep friendship, about people committed to truly caring about each other over the long haul.

And we yearn for these experiences in our own lives.

Yet when we have a chance to have love, the story is a little different.

This is because, as much as we want love, we often want to avoid that which we fear even more. We don’t feel safe enough in ourselves to risk loving another.

Two major fears get in our way and undermine our wonderful new connection with someone, or even prevent that connection from ever occurring:

• Fear of rejection: the loss of another’s love through anger, emotional withdrawal, physical withdrawal or death.

• Fear of engulfment: the loss of self through being controlled, consumed, invaded, suffocated, dominated and swallowed up by another.

These fears stem from childhood experiences and from defining our worth externally through others’ approval, rather than internally through spiritual eyes of truth.

We will be unable to share our love to the fullest extent until we heal these fears of loss of others and of loss of self. We will be unable to create the safe relationship space in which to share love and a safe world in which to live until we learn how to create safety within.

Until these fears are healed, we will react defensively whenever they are triggered.

What do you do when your fears of rejection are activated? Do you withdraw, comply, get angry, mean or sarcastic? Do you defend, explain or teach?

Most of us have learned many controlling behaviors to protect ourselves from experiencing our fears. However when we react in our different defensive ways, the result will be the same—our reactive behavior will trigger our partner’s own fears of rejection or engulfment.

Now both of us are acting out of fear.

Together we have created an unsafe relationship space where love and intimacy will gradually erode. And that is why in my opinion so many unhappily married, or later divorced people.

The Unsafe Relationship Space

What do I mean by the term “relationship space”? How is a “relationship space” different from a “relationship”?

A relationship space is the environment in which the relationship is occurring. It is the energy created by the two people involved.

I think of this environment, this relationship space, as an actual entity that both people are responsible for creating.

It can be a safe relationship space, which is open, warm and inviting, or it can be an unsafe relationship space, which is hard, dark, unforgiving and full of fear.

The kind of environment in which our relationship takes place is crucial to its success—or failure.

Many of us have spent much time in unsafe relationship spaces. In fact, some of us have never experienced a safe relationship space because many, if not most of us, have not learned to stay open when our fears of being rejected or controlled are triggered.

If, when these fears are activated, we focus on who is at fault or who started it, we perpetuate an unsafe relationship space. Blaming another for our fears (and for our own reactive, unloving behavior) makes the relationship space more unsafe than ever.

Both people in the relationship end up feeling badly, each of us believing that our pain is the result of the other person’s behavior.

We feel victimized, helpless, stuck and disconnected from our partner. We desperately want the other person to see what they are doing that (we think) is causing our pain.

We think that if the other person only understands this, they will change—and we exhaust ourselves trying to figure out how to make them understand.

Over time, being in an unsafe relationship space creates distance between the people involved. When we have not created a safe space in which to speak our complete, heartfelt truth about ourselves, the joy between us gradually dies.

And the more we hold back our innermost feelings and experiences, the shallower our connection becomes.

Our intimacy crumbles.

In friendships, marriages and work relationships, our joy, aliveness and creativity get lost as we each give up parts of ourselves in an attempt to feel safe.

In romantic relationships, passion dries up. Superficiality, boredom, fighting and apathy take its place.

We try valiantly to figure out what went wrong. But too often we ask, “What am I doing wrong?” or “What are you doing wrong?” rather than inquiring into the health of the relationship space itself.

Only when we look at the relationship space will we see what we are each doing to create the unsafe space. The dual fears of losing the other through rejection and losing ourselves through being swallowed up by the other are the underlying cause of our unloving, reactive behavior.

These fears are deeply rooted. They cannot be healed or overcome by getting someone else’s love.

Creating a Safe Relationship Space

The way out of the unsafe relationship system is for each person to develop a strong loving adult self, capable of handling the fears of rejection and engulfment without protecting. This means learning to not take rejection personally and learning to set loving limits.

The key to doing this is learning how to create a safe inner space where we can work with and overcome our fears of rejection and engulfment. This is a process, not an event—a compassionate process of learning to love ourselves rather than abandon ourselves.

Only when you have achieved inner safety can you create a safe relationship space.

You can gradually learned to stop attacking or withdrawing and take loving care of yourself whenever your fears surface. You can learn to create inner safety when you feel threatened, rather than trying to get others to make you feel safe from your fears.

Any two people who are willing to learn to create their own inner sense of safety can also learn to create a safe relationship space where their intimacy and passion will flourish and their love will endure ❤

Today I will continue with my Salvador Dali fascination. 

Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri is an epic poem, that is accepted world wide as one of the greatest masterpieces of art. It comes as no surprise that  in 1950 another great artist, Salvador Dali, would have been asked by the Italian government to produce a series of illustrations for a full-text, deluxe edition of the Divine Comedy. Ultimately, the illustrations were not well received by the Italians, as it was deemed inappropriate for a Spanish painter (rather than Italian painter) to have illustrated the masterpiece of Italy’s greatest poet. 

Even though the project was dropped in Italy, Dali and French publisher Joseph Foret continued to pursue publication of The Divine Comedy. Mr. Foret acted as a broker between salvador Dali and Les Heures Claires, a French editing and publishing house that ultimately took full charge of the project. Jean Estrade, the Artistic Director, worked closely with expert engravers to create the works under Dali’s supervision. Wood engraving was the medium chosen due to its ability to recreate subtle washes and delicate lines.

The Divine Comedy suite consists of 100 color wood engravings created between 1960 and 1964 after 100 watercolors painted between 1951 and 1960. Mr. Raymond Jacquet and his assistant Mr. Tarrico created the engravings with the participation and final approval by Dali. More than 3 000 blocks were necessary to complete the engraving process. 

Once the project was complete, all the Divine Comedy blocks were distorted. the engraving process required the block to be cut, a single color applied, than printed to the substrate (e.g. paper, silk, etc.). The block was then cleaned and cut away for the next color. As the engravings were made, the image was progressively “printed”, and the block was progressively distorted. The process required great skill and resulted in works of spectacular beauty which can not be reproduced in a manner that is not detectable as a reproduction, even to the casual observer.

So here is the actual illustrations of the engravings grouped in 3 chapters: Inferno – Purgatory – Paradise

Inferno:

 

Purgatory:

 

Paradise:

Source of illustrations: http://www.rogallery.com/Dali_Salvador/divine_comedy/sdalihm-hell.htm

I have always been fascinated by surrealism and Salvador Dali in particular. When i look at his art it always makes me think about human subconsciousness and psychology.

One of my friends has a copy of Salvador Dali sketch “City of drawers” (1936), and i just fell in love with it!

“City of drawers” makes use of the psychoanalytical reference of Austrian psychologist Sigmund Freud; “City of drawers” like “The Burning Giraffe” has sets of drawers, which fits in with Dali’s quote: “the only difference between the immortal Greece and contemporary times is Sigmund Freud, who discovered that the human body, purely platonic at the Greece epoch, nowadays, is full of secret drawers that only psychoanalysis is capable of opening.”

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I found an interesting site that talks about art, here is the link for people that might find it interesting:

http://www.all-art.org/art20thcentury/dali-3-2.html



[“The Secret Drawers of the Unconscious

The drawers that open out of Dali’s human and other figures have become as universally familiar as his soft watches. The Venus de Milo with Drawers or The Anthropomorphic Cabinet have imprinted indelibly Dahnian images on the visual memories of millions. Before painting the latter, Dali did a number of detailed preparatory pencil and ink drawings. The painting was conceived as a homage to the psychoanalytic theories of Freud, whom Dali (unsurprisingly) revered. Dali viewed his own subject matter as an allegorical means of tracing the countless narcissistic fragrances that waft up from every one of our drawers (as he put it). And he declared that the sole difference between immortal Greece and the present day was Sigmund Freud, who had discovered that the human body, purely neo-Platonic at the time of the Greeks, was now full of secret drawers which only psychoanalysis could pull open. Dali was familiar with the furniture figures made by the 17th century Italian Mannerist Giovanni Battista Bracelli, and they doubtless influenced his own figures with drawers. For Bracelli, though, furniture figures were a game played with geometry and space, sheer jeu d’esprit, while for Dali, three centuries later, a similar approach expressed the central, obsessive urge to understand human identity.”]

[Ant Face. Drawing for the Catalogue Jacket of Dali’s Exhibition at the Alex Reid and Lefevre Gallery in London 1936]

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[Woman with Drawers]

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[Venus de Milo with Drawers 1936]

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[The Anthropomorphic Cabinet 1936]

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